Have you experienced someone speaking to you or a loved one more loudly and slowly than necessary? That person may have been using elderspeak, a term used to define when others speak to older adults in a simplified, childish way.
While many caregivers feel like speaking in a cheerful, simple way or using terms of endearment shows they care, many older adults are less than receptive to this manner of speech. Elderspeak often includes:
- Speaking slowly and loudly, or in a sing-song voice
- Using inappropriately intimate pet names, such as sweetie, honey or dear
- Using smaller words and shorter sentences
- Using pronouns like “we” and “us” instead of “you,” such as, “How are we doing today?”
- Asking questions that assume role loss, idleness or powerlessness, such as “Who did you used to be?” or “What did you used to do?”
Elderspeak can impact an older person’s well-being and sense of belonging.
“It can make somebody feel very diminished, like they no longer have value or importance in the world,” says Karis Gust, a nursing and clinical services consultant, assisted living for Good Samaritan. “We fall into this a lot more with people who maybe have a diagnosis of dementia.”
Negative perceptions about aging
Elderspeak reinforces misperceptions about age, especially around competency and independence. When the speaker uses childlike language, it assumes they have greater ability and knowledge than the listener.
How do you talk to someone who has Alzheimer’s?
“When we sit down with someone we’re not familiar with, it’s appropriate for us to ask questions instead of just assuming that they're going to be hard of hearing or that they can’t see, or that they have dementia or whatever, based on how they look,” Karis says.
Elderspeak assumes that all older adults experience the same health challenges, such as hearing and memory loss, instead of recognizing each person’s individuality.
Studies have shown that even people with mild to moderate dementia react negatively to elderspeak, causing them to act aggressively and reducing their cooperation.
“People who have a diagnosis of dementia are statistically far more likely to resist care after being addressed in in a diminutive manner with elderspeak or baby talk. It tells them, ‘You’re old. You’re frail,’” says Karis.
Showing respect for older adults can be as simple as inviting them into conversations. All it takes is recognizing they deserve to be treated with the level of respect that comes from having a lifetime of experiences, stories and wisdom to share.
For family caregivers, it also includes giving them choices.
“Allowing them to have control over things and asking, ‘Are you ready to go to lunch now or should I come and get you in 15 minutes?’ helps them feel important and valued,” Karis says.
Avoiding elderspeak
There are simple ways to turn elderspeak into more meaningful conversations. Instead of viewing others in terms of what they can’t do, get to know them for who they are.
“I think there is value in learning a person’s story from their family if the person can’t tell you. If they are there during the conversation, make sure it’s no different than using an interpreter. Focus on the person and not the family member. If it’s the first time you’re meeting them, you should ask their permission if it’s OK to ask their family member some questions,” Karis says.
Remember not to interrupt or finish their thought. Let them take time to answer questions.
“If an older adult doesn’t respond to your question right way, don’t assume they didn’t understand you. Rephrase your question and ask again. In normal aging, the healthy brain only holds five to eight things in working memory. By the time we’re 25, we start to lose brain processing speed. When we’re older, we need more time to respond, especially people living with dementia,” says Karis.
Here are some conversation tips to help you avoid using elderspeak:
- Address people by their preferred name
- Use a normal tone at a normal pace
- Speak to older adults as people you’re building relationships with
- Ask questions to get to know others more deeply
With some intentionality, we can all communicate in a more positive manner with the older adults in our lives.
