If your parents are getting older, they may be considering a move to a senior living community. This could stir up a lot of emotions.
It’s common to feel guilty when you’re not able to provide everything they need. It’s also normal to feel sadness and grief if they decide to move from a longtime home.
“It’s not that you are ‘leaving them there’ in a senior living community – you’re committing yourself to helping them succeed and thrive in this wonderful new place. You’re going to be actively involved in making sure they get the best support possible,” says the Rev. Philip “Phil” McGarvey, chaplain at Good Samaritan Society – Loveland Village in Loveland, Colorado.
Staying positive and focusing on faith can help ease the transition for both you and your loved one.
Putting your mind at ease
One of the most important things you can do is tour senior living communities along with your parent and siblings to help put everyone’s mind at ease.
“It helps you know what your loved one’s desires are,” Phil says.
Focusing on the advantages of senior living can foster a positive mindset when you remember the emotional and social benefits your parent will gain.
“They will be part of a group of people who are similar ages with similar connections. Senior living not only reduces loneliness, but gives residents a sense of belonging,” says Phil.
Giving yourself grace is a top priority during this life transition.
“Sometimes we are very empathetic toward another person going through this situation, but we are not very empathetic toward ourselves. So just being a friend to yourself is a good thing to do. What would we tell another person going through something like this? Most of us would give compassion to that person,” says Phil.
It’s wise to seek support from your pastor, a counselor or a friend who has gone through something similar.
“If you have a pastor, a good question to ask would be if other church members have moved into any communities in the area and if they could tell you about their experience,” Phil says. “The pastor and the church members can pray for you as you make decisions. And of course, that goes for the parent as well. You could both seek help that way.”
Promises from God
During any struggle in life, and especially during big life changes, it’s important to remember that God knows what you’re going through and will provide the strength you need.
“Psalm 23 is a good reminder if you’re lonely or fearful. Sometimes it’s tempting to think you’re the only one going through this. But the verse says, ‘the Lord is my shepherd.’ He's leading you through this. And if he’s leading you through this, that means that he is with you. So even if we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, the darkest valley, God is still with us there,” says Phil.
The Bible frequently says not to fear, worry or be anxious. That advice is important as you support an aging parent.
“Jesus says if God can take care of all the flowers in the field and the birds of the air, he can take care of us, too. So, you don’t have to get everything perfect. Psalm 27 is another good one that says, the Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? I don’t need to fear anything.
It’s almost like turning everything in your whole life over to God knowing that he’s going to take care of you,” Phil says.
Looking at the positives
Make sure you have a good support system around you to provide encouragement and give advice.
“You need to know people are rooting for you and advocating for you,” says Phil.
He has seen many positive things happen after residents move into Loveland Village and it’s helped family members feel good about the decision.
“It’s a wonderful change. If they take a chance and introduce themselves to their neighbors, that changes lives immediately for the better,” Phil says.
In addition to the social aspect of Good Samaritan senior living communities, they offer a variety of ways for residents to get involved.
“One of the things family members can do is know which events are happening on campus and make sure to help their loved one attend some events once they move in,” says Phil.
If you live out of town, you can still be a supportive presence to your parent and make sure they’re getting what they need.
“If a resident is pretty good with technology, that helps. They can have video chats to stay connected,” Phil says.
Respite care can help
If you’re currently providing care for a loved one, but need a short break, Good Samaritan offers respite care services.
“It’s a great self-care option for family members,” says Phil.
Learn more about respite care options at Good Samaritan.
